I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize