So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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