Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
