im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
