It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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