New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
