i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
