My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
