just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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