Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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