Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
