shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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