I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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