I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
