She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
