I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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