I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
