I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
