I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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