Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
