ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
