if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
