well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
