I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
