I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
