my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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