somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
