I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
