proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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