It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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