There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
