Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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