I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
