I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating