Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else