he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis