my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.