If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many