Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.