I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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