i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
