booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
