If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
