shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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