This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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