its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
