how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
