dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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