if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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