i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
where are my eyebrows?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
