A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
