He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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