it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
