In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
