Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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