i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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