If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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