yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
