You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
