i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
