I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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