but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
