It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
