Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
