turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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