remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
