I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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