Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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